Ever feel like you’re just spiraling out of control? Or just going through the motions without really accomplishing what you want?! Ever feel alone in this?? You’re not.
I used to be the person that was SO naive about everything. I gave more than I should to everyone. I said ‘I’m sorry’ when I wasn’t wrong. I tried so hard sometimes in SO many areas I couldn’t keep up. Sometimes trying to be helpful and present in so many situations to different people is counterproductive. So you just shut down. And I did, but shutting down may be the best thing that I’ve ever done…
When you completely shut down a few things happen… at least they seem to for me…
1) I can breathe…. I take mental note of what I’ve done, what I need to do and what is important. It’s like a moment of clarity that we can’t unsee.
2) I can function…. I’m talking ALL cylinders. I feel fulfilled and productive. I feel human instead of like a machine! I’m totally ‘Type A’ so sometimes I ‘DO’ until I’m sick… always getting things done. But if they’re done without love or thought, sometimes they just need to not get done. I love functioning as a wife, mom and a friend in this zone…
3) I see the truth…. I’m sorry sunshine but while there is SOME good in everything and everybody… some things just aren’t as they seem. In these wonderful moments of reflection I can process people and situations and see what can stay and what needs to go. Which is always hard… but necessary.
4) I dream…. we’re talking dreamer dreams. BIG, clear and detailed dreams. I love it. I see who I want to be, who I can be and who I think I’m supposed to be. I see what I can do, what I should do and most importantly what I WANT to do.
There’s nothing wrong with self-reflection. It’s healthy. I’ve been told I’m too young to feel the need to re-evaluate or to question directions in life… but I call bullshit. I’m not your average 30 something first of all… BUT it’s always a good idea to check on yourself. I used to be insecure in talking about these moments but I’ve come to realize that they’re normal. Everyone goes through it no matter if they’re comfortable talking about it or not, they still go through it.
At the moment I’m in now… I’m looking for specific growth out of 2018. Also things that I’m sure are common… which is why I thought I’d make them public. I don’t for one second think that I’m the only one who’s looking for health, balance and clarity as part of their New Years Resolution.
Of course I’m ready to shed extra weight… blah, blah, blah. But I’m also ready to become a healthier version of myself and inspire that same change in those I love. Less technologically bound socially and MORE wrapped up in moments! Getting outside, moving and MAKING memories. Not just scrolling them.
Health is also mental… it’s making sure that I check my balance and stay grounded in the center. Not letting my personal life struggle while my professional life soars and vice versa. Balance. This is usually the source of stress and anxiety for most and it’s no different with me. I’m ready to find true balance. It’s possible… I know it is. I may not ever be perfect at it… but I’ll just be ok with striving to make it manageable!
be you, fearlessly.
Ever been afraid to say or do something just because you’re worried about judgement?! This is me. Every. Damn. Day.
Which is so completely annoying because it holds me back… keeps me from being who I am and it’s also bit me in the ass more times than I care to admit.
Naturally I’m loud as hell, I thrive on making others laugh, I love HARD, I enjoy making things (including myself sometimes) look pretty, I am a people pleaser and I can get lost in a good craft, a good book or a good recipe in the kitchen.
But then I think about how many times I hear, read or experience mockery towards people just merely trying to be themselves and I get SCARED. We’ve become so publicly mean that I personally think it’s changing who I am. Which I can admit that is equally my fault… which I’ve taken plenty of time to reflect on as well. I’m just here proclaiming that I no longer care about the hate, mean and uncultured comments that anything I do procure anymore.
I’ve read and/or heard some pretty nasty, vicious and just plain relentless things that have been said about me before… Everyone’s got ‘haters’ right?! And while they’ve broken me every single time. I don’t care about anyone who doesn’t care about me… ANYMORE.
You shouldn’t either. Make 2018 the year that instead of complaining about how ‘the world is going to shit’, the year that people actually DID SOMETHING. Share positivity and things that are AWESOME. Build up that person you see trying their hardest. Be REAL. And if you don’t know what that is… then it’s ok to take a moment and be selfish. Let what happens, happen. Reconnect with yourself and realize what is important.
Someone today said to me ‘I’m never ‘the friend’ or ‘the best friend’ and instantly (but honestly) I said – what are you doing to cultivate those relationships?! Are you being a friend to those who genuinely try to be yours? Is it one-sided…?
Prioritize (What is Important?)
&& Love Always
Sometimes being selfish is necessary in order to recenter, refocus and find balance. “It’s ok because I am enough, I am worth it and I am important.” — My morning mantra.
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