Seriously what am I doing? I think I’ve lost the flame… the one deep in my soul for
what I’ve been doing or trying to do. How do I get back to here… in this photo. On this day I felt amazing… never bored always on my toes and extremely fulfilled. Now it just seems almost like a burden or that I’m the burden. Sometimes things are a stepping stone for what we’re supposed to do next and I feel exactly that way about where I am… where I’m meant to go and what I need to do. Of course all of it is scary and uncomfortable. I don’t want to even begin the process nor have I convinced myself that I can even do it… but I’m trying.
Have you ever been in a battle with yourself?
I think that everything has phases. Anything we do in life is not the same forever. Think of a relationship – it starts it’s new & fresh… it’s intriguing. Overtime it becomes love over lust and the connection not only burns brighter but it burns from way down deep.
Currently… I’m in absolute love with fashion, but nothing in my closet. NOTHING. I mean maybe if you count the worn out tattered flannel button up and jeans with a million holes in them that I wear – every.day…. I do love them. But then there we go… I’m stuck in repetition… and not stretching my creativity.
I’m 30. I’m a hustling mom trying to make my boys proud. A totally devoted wifey wanting to make my honey’s eyes pop completely out of his head when he sees me. A
woman that loves nothing other than to live and laugh with friends and have fun no matter what’s going on. If I’m not having fun…. it DOESN’T make me happy. Life is too short to do anything that doesn’t make you happy… am I right!? We have one life to live, one chance to make it happen and one opportunity to make an impact. I do NOT want to be the person who ‘woulda, coulda, shoulda’s’ there self to death forty years from now. I’m going to continue to do what I’m doing and what I need to do to provide for my boys and take care of my family.
Currently this is the constant happy in life… family, friends, and having the freedom to LIVE on our terms. I don’t want that to change. So what can I do to ignite the fire, burn the flame AND still continue to feed my soul?! Million dollar question. Fortunately I know the answer…. unfortunately change is tough.. never simple and never easy.
Ever make change, take a chance on yourself… or just do something HARD?
I have and coincidently it was the change that brought me to where I stand today… it is still one of the best decisions I have ever made. It taught me that beyond all else, have faith in yourself… believe in yourself and even on the days where you DON’T, have people in your life that can be that reminder. And be that for someone else. LIFT others. I’m so thankful for those that lift me, because without that spirit and that comfort of unwavering love… I wouldn’t be me.
So here it is. Page one of the change. Taking that chance on myself all over again. Ready for the work… ready for the challenge and hopefully all that comes with it.
Here’s to being ME <3